Sarah unlocked it, and I think ... I think Margaret defined me sexually. She taught me how to really focus and take pleasure from the right sort of pain."I cried a little as I remembered the good times with my Mistress, and how the delicious agonies I suffered at her hands had acted as a balm upon my troubled soul. The moment passed. Her vile duplicity could still made me coldly furious."Shit Steve, in a way, once I went on the run with Sarah, I had nowhere else to go but here. Losing her for the second time hurt too much, and I just had ... I think I needed to hit rock-bottom. I needed the shame and pain ... and I didn't realise it until I met you, but most of all, I think I needed someone completely real, and unlike anyone I had ever known before ... I needed you ... and you were there ... here." My voice cracked.Steve tilted my face, and kissed me. It was very hard for her to say the three words that hung between us, but I knew they were in the air. Despite our incarceration,. Love the skirt! And that blouse is just divine.’ We were ushered to a table, the drinks arrived and I don’t think I had uttered a single word. ‘Am I forgiven? I don’t deserve to be but you absolutely must.’ She held my hand across the table and squeezed it. She ordered food and wine without reference to me and then, still holding my hand she smiled at me. ‘You’re allowed to speak.’ ‘I forgive you. Of course I do.’ Where did that come from? ‘Thank the stars. Any normal woman would have ignored me but I knew if you were going to tell me to get fucked, you’d do it to my face. I figured you’d come, tell me to go to hell and leave me sitting at the bar with a red face and an empty heart.’ It is strange how a show of vulnerability can make someone seem stronger. Her concern seemed so genuine, so spontaneous that I could do nothing but believe in it. Of course, I wanted to believe. I did believe. We talked. She probed me about my work, my hopes, my career prospects. It was the most natural.
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